mister_pamachu (mister_pamachu) wrote in svam,
mister_pamachu
mister_pamachu
svam

Crap-Fic Theater Presents: Neo Armageddon Evangelist & Issei Meets the Sailir Scout Girls audiobooks

We at Pamachu Productions would like to welcome each of you to Crap Fic Theater.  We are dedicated to crafting first-rate audiobook productions of some of the -- ahem! -- more infamous works of anime-flavored fanfiction produced on the internet.  Of course, the expansive network of terrible fanfiction curdling in every corner of the internet is far too intimidating for one person to handle; for this reason, I hope to focus my attention on the flabbergasting and exasperating, the bad and the goddamn beautiful, the most dreadful of the dreadful.  In other words, we're going to create audiobooks of those precious few fanfics that have attained some "cult status" as the cherries atop the proverbial shit-sundae.  Think of us as the Criterion Collection of garbage anime fanfiction.  The audio technicians and dramatists at Pamachu Productions promise to deliver (at an irregular schedule... hey, until this starts paying bills, that is!) two fists full of furious fanfic entertainment; we are your tour guides through a rich, borderline traumatic history of garbage fanfiction.  (Inspiration for this program comes directly from Heavens Feel Press, who made some first rate audiobooks of Issei Mataloun's fanfiction.)
 
 
Our first audiobook production is NEO ARMAGEDDON EVANGELIST, an Evangelion dark-fic written by self-professed redheaded dominatrix (no, really) named Sara Anne Grantham.  Imagine twenty pages of a red-eyed biker chick smacking the shit out of an obese sociopathic hippie and you have a good idea of the sort of insanity that awaits.  Meet Sublime: the sharp-shootin' Mary Sue in question who spends the entire fanfic blasting people in the face while spouting off impossibly tangled pseudo-philosophical nonsense.  Also meet Washington: an obese hillbilly rapist assassin (no, really) who murders and molests all of Evangelion's canon characters.  Well, except for (the strangely heterosexualized) Kaoru and Gendo, who dramatically proves once and for all that size does not matter. You might also enjoy the melodramatic eviscerations of the entire core cast of Evangelion and the hilariously florid descriptions of sexual trauma.  Not for the faint of heart or easily offended (especially if you're a fan of Fuyutsuki).
 
Click here to listen to our audiobook recording of NEO ARMAGEDDON EVANGELIST.

Our second audiobook production is ISSEI MEETS THE SAILIR SCOUT GIRLS, an incoherent Sailor Moon fanfic from the infamous Issei Mataloun.  This self-insertion fanfic features the same sort of gonzo theatrics and head-scratching lunacy that made his Hellstorm Evangelion series such a knee-slapping delight (minus the homoeroticism).  Tangled and incoherent prose punctuates even the most rudimentary of scenes (I dare you to parse out the meaning of "falem of light"), and Issei mischaracterizes the entire Sailor Moon cast as a gaggle of hyper-ventilating, sex-starved idiots who periodically burst into geysers of blood and gore (you may shed a tear as Usagi mourns the death of her beloved Mamoru by exclaiming, "And I didn't get to fuck him!  WAAAAAH!").  Issei goes hog-wild with the deus ex machinas as characters are killed and resurrected ad infinitum, and he also seems to take an inordinate amount of pleasure writing superlative character introductions ("Who you?"  "Issei!  Isseim [sic] Mataloun!").  It all concludes with one of the most anti-climactic shoot-outs in fanfic history (this is what passes for comedy in the Isseiverse) and a climactic celebration where "everyone was JAMMING."  But seriously.  It's an Issei Mataloun fanfic.  What do you expect? 

Click here to listen to our audiobook recording of ISSEI MEETS THE SAILIR [sic] SCOUT GIRLS.
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